Polyvagal Theory: The Missing Piece in Your Wellness and Leadership Journey

Have you ever wondered why you can feel anxious in a perfectly safe meeting? Or why you might be exhausted after a day of "just thinking"? Or perhaps why that knot in your stomach appears before important presentations, despite your best preparation?

The answer lies not in your thoughts, but in your nervous system.

As a Somatic Trauma Coach and Family Constellations Facilitator, I've witnessed countless high-achieving professionals struggle with the disconnect between their external success and internal experience. They've mastered their careers but feel something fundamental is missing. A sense of safety, connection, and ease in their own bodies.

Beyond Fight-or-Flight: Understanding Your Nervous System's Intelligence

For decades, we've operated under a simplified understanding of our stress response: the "fight-or-flight" model. While useful, it only tells part of the story. Dr. Stephen Porges revolutionised our understanding with Polyvagal Theory, revealing that our autonomic nervous system is far more nuanced and sophisticated than previously thought.

Rather than a simple on/off switch between calm and stress, our nervous system operates through three distinct circuits:

1. Ventral Vagal (Safe & Social): Our most evolved state, characterised by connection, creativity, collaboration, and calm. This is where we experience joy, curiosity, and authentic presence.

2. Sympathetic (Fight or Flight): Our mobilisation system, providing energy for challenges, focus under pressure, and motivation to act. Essential for productivity, but problematic when chronically activated.

3. Dorsal Vagal (Freeze): Our most primitive survival strategy, characterised by shutdown, disconnection, and conservation. In the modern world, this manifests as burnout, depression, and a sense of numbness.

Understanding these three states transforms how we approach wellbeing, leadership, and performance. It explains why traditional stress management techniques often fall short—they're trying to think their way out of a biological state.

Your Body as Storyteller: The Wisdom of Physical Symptoms

Those headaches, digestive issues, and sleep problems? They're not random annoyances, they're your body communicating what your mind might be ignoring.

I discovered this personally when dealing with chronic health issues that no amount of positive thinking and supplements could resolve. My body was telling a story of unprocessed trauma and chronic stress that required a different approach than just "pushing through" or "thinking positively."

Our bodies hold our histories. Every stressful meeting, every childhood experience, every moment of feeling unsafe or overwhelmed. These experiences shape our nervous system's default patterns, creating unconscious responses that no amount of willpower can override.

Physical symptoms are messengers, not enemies. They're inviting us to pay attention to what our nervous system needs to feel safe.

Neuroception: Your Body's Unconscious Threat Detection System

One of the most profound insights from Polyvagal Theory is the concept of neuroception, our body's unconscious evaluation of safety and risk in our environment. This happens below the level of conscious thought, which is why you can logically know you're safe while your body responds as if you're in danger.

Your nervous system doesn't distinguish between a work deadline and a hungry tiger, both can trigger the same biological response. This explains why:

• You might feel anxious in perfectly safe social situations

• Your mind goes blank during important presentations

• You can't "just relax" when your body is in survival mode

• You feel exhausted after Zoom meetings despite minimal physical exertion

For leaders and high-achievers, this has profound implications. Your state of regulation directly impacts:

• The quality of your decisions

• Your creative capacity

• How people experience your leadership

• Your ability to connect authentically with your team

• Your long-term health and resilience

Practical Application: A Simple Nervous System Check-In

Understanding Polyvagal Theory isn't just theoretical, it provides practical tools for regulation in everyday life. Here's a simple practice you can use anywhere, even in high-pressure work environments:

1. Pause and notice: Take 30 seconds to scan your body. What sensations do you notice? Tension, ease, warmth, coolness, heaviness, lightness?

2. Identify your state: Based on your sensations, which state might you be in?

   • Ventral Vagal: Feeling open, connected, curious, calm but energised

   • Sympathetic: Feeling tense, alert, anxious, irritable, or overly energised

   • Dorsal Vagal: Feeling numb, foggy, heavy, disconnected, or exhausted

3. Respond with compassion: Rather than judging your state, ask what your nervous system needs right now.

   • If sympathetic: Can you discharge some energy through movement? Can you set a boundary?

   • If dorsal: Can you offer yourself gentle activation? A change of environment?

   • If ventral: Can you savour this state and notice what supports it?

4. Small shift: Make one small adjustment based on what you noticed. Perhaps change your posture, take a few deep breaths, look out the window, or place a hand on your heart.

This simple practice builds the foundation for nervous system awareness, the first step toward regulation.

The Corporate Impact: Regulated Leaders Create Psychological Safety

For those in leadership positions, your nervous system state has ripple effects throughout your organisation. When you operate from a regulated state, you naturally create psychological safety for your team, the single most important factor in team performance according to Google's extensive Project Aristotle research.

A regulated leader:

• Makes decisions from clarity rather than reactivity

• Creates an environment where innovation can flourish

• Models sustainable high performance without burnout

• Builds authentic connection with team members

• Navigates challenges with resilience and presence

One client, a senior executive at a multinational corporation, discovered that her team's performance dramatically improved when she began prioritising her own regulation. "I used to think self-care was selfish," she shared. "Now I understand it's a leadership responsibility. My team can feel the difference when I'm regulated versus when I'm in fight-or-flight."

Beyond Individual Practice: The Systemic View

While individual regulation practices are essential, Polyvagal Theory also invites us to look at the systems we operate within. Many workplace cultures normalise chronic stress and reward sympathetic activation while inadvertently punishing signs of need or vulnerability.

True transformation requires addressing both individual regulation and the systems that perpetuate dysregulation. This is where my work with Family and Organisational Constellations provides another layer of healing, illuminating the hidden dynamics that keep us stuck in patterns of stress and disconnection.

Your Invitation to Deeper Healing

Understanding Polyvagal Theory creates a foundation for all healing work. It helps us recognise that our struggles aren't personal failings but biological responses that can be transformed with the right support.

Regulation is a skill that can be developed, not an inherent trait. With practice and support, you can build your capacity for:

• Recognising your nervous system state

• Responding with appropriate regulation strategies

• Creating environments that support safety and connection

• Navigating challenges from a place of regulation rather than reactivity

If you're ready to transform your relationship with stress and find genuine safety in your body, I invite you to explore working with me one-on-one through my Intensive 1:1 Somatic Coaching Partnership. Together, we'll develop personalised strategies for regulating your nervous system and creating sustainable success.

Alternatively, join my Self Healer Tribe for community support and ongoing resources to help you integrate nervous system regulation into your daily life.

This blog post is based on the first episode of my podcast series "Heal Your Past Master Your Future," where I explore Polyvagal Theory in depth. Listen to the full episode for more insights and practical techniques.