Why You Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners

“If the wound is where the light enters, then the pattern is where the healing begins.”

There’s a certain ache that comes from wanting to be met, and not being met.

It might show up in small ways:

• The long pause between replies.

• The body that’s physically present… but emotionally somewhere else.

• The way you tiptoe around your needs so you don’t seem “too much.”

You might tell yourself,

“I just pick the wrong ones.”
“Maybe love isn’t for me.”
“I should be happy with what I have.”

But what if the truth is quieter than that?

What if you’re not choosing these people on purpose…
What if your body is?

Family Constellations: When the Nervous System Follows the Family Field

In Family Constellation work, we see this pattern often:

When a child grows up with a parent who was emotionally distant - or emotionally overwhelmed, unavailable, preoccupied -
the child unconsciously learns to chase that love.

They adapt.
They perform.
They become easy to be around. Low-maintenance. Forgiving. Hyperaware of other people’s moods.

And deep in the body, a message settles in:

“This is what love feels like: waiting, proving, reaching.”

Later in life, it’s not uncommon for that same person to be drawn to partners who feel… familiar.
Unavailable.
Unpredictable.
Just out of reach.

It’s not because you’re broken or unlovable.
It’s because your nervous system is trying to resolve an old story.
One where love felt just beyond your grasp, and you’re still trying to reach it.

Somatic Healing: When Love Has Always Meant “Try Harder”

If love has always required effort, your body might be bracing, even when someone safe shows up.

You might:

• Distrust people who are emotionally open

• Sabotage healthy connection before it gets too close

• Feel bored or disconnected when someone offers consistency

Your body is not the problem.
It’s holding a protective pattern.

A somatic whisper for today:
Place one hand on your heart, and one on your belly.
Breathe low and slow.
Let the nervous system settle just a little.

Then speak gently,

“I no longer need to chase love. It’s safe to receive.”

See what rises.
A softening. A resistance. A breath that goes deeper.
All welcome.

This Isn’t About Fixing You

There’s no fixing needed here.
Only permission.

To feel.
To notice.
To loosen the grip of something that was never yours to carry.

If you’ve recognised yourself in this, I’ve created a free Healing Ritual to support your next step. It gently honours the root of this dynamic and helps your system begin letting go — with love, not force.

You can receive it here:
👉 Why Do I Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners?

You’re not here to chase.
You’re here to be met.
And you’re allowed to start now.